Cognition
by JimmyTheJacket
Summary: Two sisters reunite when one of them decides to follow the other one's steps at the Choosing ceremony. Grace is looking forward to meeting new friends and transforming into a new person, while Martine is trying to deal with some new problems that suddenly come up in her job. How is their life going to look like now and how will they affect the Divergent characters?
1. Chapter 1

So there I was, sticking my pointy yet rather short nose in a thick book while I was waiting for the teacher to come to the classroom. Suddenly one of my classmates in math yells "The teacher is coming!" and everybody else goes to their places so the teacher wouldn't be mad, but they are still laughing loud and swearing. "Good Morning…" the same boring old tune that I've been hearing all these years every day over and over again was ringing trough the classroom that suddenly became silent "Sit down" the teacher said and put down his briefcase. I sat down and opened my notebook. As soon as the teacher left the classroom to get something, I heard a voice "Hey, Erudite, what are you writing there, an equation to make you less annoying?" a male voice said, and to my surprise some of his friends actually laughed to that lame, lame joke. Ah well, what else am I to do then just ignore him. "Please, she couldn't come up with that even if it did exist. She's not smart enough!" a different male voice said and this time I looked up. I wasn't surprised when I saw Mark Phillips, my classmate in math. He was born in Dauntless but I bet he will get Erudite on the aptitude test and that he will choose it as his faction for the rest of his life, because he is such a nerd. I rolled my eyes. But I wasn't writing an equation, I was drawing. What those boys said about me didn't bother me at all. I know I'm somewhat intelligent, but I'm not even gonna try telling them that.

I grew up in Erudite. That means that I have been forced to read lots of educational books, and I am getting tired of it. I just can't live here anymore. And tomorrow I will finally find out which faction do I really belong to. I have been waiting for this all my life. I never really knew which faction will I choose, and I still don't, and the aptitude test will help me decide. I am looking forward to it, but I am still madly nervous, even now, and the test is tomorrow. What will the test even look like? Should I be scared? Should I not? I don't know. My sister says it was fine, nothing painful or anything. She got Candor, but she chose Dauntless. She says that the training was so hard, one girl committed suicide. I'm scared.

My thoughts completely distracted me from the class and the ringing bell. It was like I was asleep, just with my eyes wide open. Until Maggie, my best friend, pulled my hand and started talking. "Grace, we need to spend as much time as we can together today and tomorrow. After all, after tomorrow we might never see each other again." She said. What she said was breaking my heart into pieces. Well the second part, not the part about spending a lot of time together. I grabbed my books and hurried out of class. My books were, as usual, glued to my chest while I was holding them with my hands. "I am sooo choosing Dauntless tomorrow!" Maggie said. "I just need to try that Dauntless cake Martine was talking about!". I giggled. "Well, say hi to her, Martine, not the Dauntless cake, when you get there." I almost said 'If you get there', but bit my tongue instead. I didn't wanna scare her. I know Dauntless is the faction she wants to be in, even though I am a little worried about her. No, I am really worried. But on the other hand, my sister made it, and Maggie is better in sports than her as far as I know… and Maggie is tall, and that's good. But why am I even thinking about this, she is choosing Dauntless and I can't do anything about it. Plus, I have my own faction related problems to worry about. I seriously don't know which faction to choose. While I was deep in my thoughts again, it started raining heavily outside. I didn't have an umbrella. As soon as I stepped out of the school I was completely wet. And just today my parents can't pick me up. I decided to run, so I don't have that much time to get wet. But before I had time to start running, a short blonde Abnegation girl with an umbrella hurried to me and put it over my head. "Here," she said. "I saw you didn't have an umbrella of your own so I couldn't just let you stand here and get wet." I could barely hear her over the heavy rain that was flooding my shoes with cold water. "That's so nice of you!" I said. I knew they _need _to be doing that, but it still seemed like a really nice gesture. "I'm Beverly" She said sticking her hand out to mine, so I shook her hand and introduced myself "I'm Grace." She seemed like a really nice girl. Later she gave me the umbrella. I just couldn't live in Abnegation. They just constantly think about others, and never get some time for themselves. They never get gussied up, they never celebrate birthdays, and they always give other people their places on the bus, because otherwise, it would be 'self-indulgent'. Like Martine once said, it's unhealthy. I'm definitely not choosing that as my faction. If you ask me about what do I think about factions, I say I have the same question about it as for school; who the hell came up with it and why does it have to be so stupid?! But I can't do anything. This is just the way it is.

* * *

It's 12:00. I'm in bed. My parents think I'm asleep, but I am wide awake. Not because I want to be awake, but I just can't sleep. And that is because I have visitors in my room called disruptive thoughts. Look at them, they're everywhere! Chewing on my books, rummaging trough my closet, but mostly picking on my brain. I feel like they're these little goblins that come with flashlights and tools and put worries into my brain. And I can't stop them. They are also very good at their work. I wish I could just take a pill, eat it and it would put the little workers out of my brain. I actually tried once but apparently that wasn't for kids so I spent the day in a hospital. I was fine, but I had a huge rash. Anyways, worries are picking on my brain. They're starting to scare me. What if when I will drink that serum thingy something will go wrong and I will never wake up again?! Or if that person there is trying to hurt me because he needs Erudite brains to inspect?! No, no. That will not happen. Nobody there will try to hurt me. I'm gonna trust them. I need to trust them. There's no other way out.

* * *

It's Aptitude test day today. All the sixteen-year-olds will have to make the toughest decision of their lives today. Poor kids. One of them is my dear sister that I haven't seen since last year's Visiting day. We used to be really close, we were never just sisters, we were friends. I am just as nervous today as I was three years ago when I myself had to take the test. Even more, perhaps. So many things could go wrong- she might choose wrong, she might break a rule and become factionless… She might choose Dauntless. She mustn't, I don't want her to. Maybe she'll want to be reunited with her older sister- me- and forget all the other factions. And I'm afraid that's not that big a 'maybe'. And why shouldn't she choose Dauntless? It's absolute hell, at least the initiation. I remember how devastated I was when I found out what's this faction really like. I actually remember everything from the Aptitude test on…

On the day of my test, it wasn't cloudy like today- on the contrary, it was hot and sunny. It made me very excited about my test. Of course, as soon as I found myself waiting for someone to call my name, I got nervous. "Martine Oxton," I recall hearing a clear female voice. I hardly got up, I was shaking and I approached the room slowly. When I got in, I straightened up to look more confident. I don't like to seem scared when I go to the doctor or the dentist and since the chair I saw in the room resembled the doctor's one, I decided to apply the same approach here. "Sit," the woman said. She introduced herself before that, but I was too absent-minded to remember her name. As she started to put wires to my head, I couldn't help but jump in the seat a bit. I had no idea whether this was going to hurt or not. She smiled and comforted me, but I tried to tell- well, lie to her, that I'm not scared. I don't think she bought it, though. "Drink this," I was offered a glass of unknown liquid. I drank it carefully. I remember suddenly feeling tired and closing my eyes. A second later I automatically opened them again. I was in a strange room. A basket appeared before me. "Choose," a voice commanded. I got up and looked in the basket. I saw a knife and a piece of cheese. I reached out to take the knife, but hesitated. _Should I choose the knife or would that lead to something dangerous? _I asked myself. _But then again, _I figured, _the knife implies there will be a fight and if so, the cheese is useless_. My hand was still in the middle of both objects. "Choose!" I almost knocked the basket over because of the shock. I looked back at the knife. I bit my lip and frowned. Scared that the voice will speak up again, I quickly grabbed the knife. My hands were wrapped tightly around it, so I couldn't change my mind- but there was no need for that, the basket disappeared. I heard a bark then. It came from a big, angry dog standing behind me. Was I supposed to kill it. I didn't particularly like the idea. The dog started slowly approaching me. My hand held on to the weapon tighter. The dog suddenly jumped forward, but I couldn't do anything. I was waiting, frozen. In my head, killing was easy. In real life, it wasn't. I felt like someone could blame me if I killed this innocent dog. So I stood there as it jumped right at me. It knocked me down and started barking in my face. Now I felt deathly scared and picked up the knife up with absolute determination. I was prepared to stab it, but it bit me and made me throw the knife down. I felt helpless. I tried to push the dog off, but he wouldn't surrender. And when I thought it'd bite me again, it was gone and so was the room. I was now staring at a different celling. I got up and realized I'm on a bus. "Do you know this man?" a scary-looking old man asked, pointing to a newspaper article. It was about a murderer and the picture below showed a very familiar face. I don't know where I've seen it, but I remember I felt like something terrible would occur if I admitted the truth. "Um…" I started. _Should I say no? Will that help the man in the picture?_ I thought. But I remembered the truth would come out sooner or later. "Yes, I do know this man," I said firmly. And then… I woke up. I couldn't wait for the results. "So, what am I?" I asked. "Well, your test showed you are most suited for Candor," she said. CANDOR. The word felt like a punch in the stomach. "Candor," I said miserably. "Something wrong?" the woman asked. "No, absolutely nothing," I assured her. I already saw how I couldn't even tell the truth all the time. At least when it comes to my feelings. I got up and lazily walked out of the room. I wished I got something cool, like… Well, at that time I didn't really even know what would I consider cool. I've always liked Dauntless., but I felt like the complete opposite of it. I considered myself brave, but I thought I wasn't athletic enough for that faction. That afternoon, my mum kept asking me what's wrong. As I predicted, she saw exactly how I was feeling, as always. But I kept denying it. How on Earth did I ever get Candor? I blame my built-in sense of guilt I get whenever I lie, that's why I basically don't. Only about my feelings sometimes, and out of politeness. Anyway, that night I couldn't sleep- I was thinking of the Choosing ceremony. Technically, I should've chosen Erudite. That way I could've lived with my family. But I didn't really believe my parents would mind if I didn't. That was pretty rare, as far as I know. My family has always been very different, actually. They never spoke of factions with big admiration (at home, of course. Outside it would be dangerous!) and they raised Grace, my sister, and I to believe that we all have different parts of us, parts that belong to different factions. They claimed life would be easier without them, in fact. I fully agree with that. Life must've been so simple before the faction system. But now we have it and we have to choose- that's what I told myself that night. One thing was sure- I wasn't Abnegation. I liked myself and doing things for my own good and pleasure, so I definitely did not believe in selflessness. I knew I was going to leave Erudite as well. I liked the fact that reading was very supported and that we had such an enormous choice of books in our libraries, but I hated Math, Science, Physics and Chemistry so I would sometimes almost crack under the pressure of school and studying. I also hated the clothes- tight sweaters and super polished skirts were a nightmare for me. I liked the messy, edgy kinda look much better. I was dying to dress up in leather, ripped jeans and sneakers. My parents said they don't mind, but that the leaders do and I absolutely MUST follow the dress code rules. In Dauntless, I'd have nothing against the dress code rules, though. Also, I could dye my hair, which I always wanted… Yes, judging by the looks, I could totally be a Dauntless. That option I did not consciously think about, but subconsciously- yes, a lot. Consciously, I focused on Amity instead. Amity and Candor. I considered Amity a good choice, because I always saw them as very happy people who always just sing and enjoy life. I still wonder how would've that turned out… And Candor was apparently the best option. The test said so. But I couldn't imagine always confessing about everything and constantly wearing black and white. As if I saw life as black and white. I didn't. There were a million of grays in between- just like the truth. It's often not black or white. I believe the truth is relative. And that's how I decided on Amity. I was still unhappy, but I realized I only had about 2 hours of sleep left, so I forced myself to empty my mind and fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It's aptitude test day. I hop into my dad's car and we drive away. I feel like my chest is going to explode. I get that feeling every time I'm nervous or excited about something, or when I'm just simply panicking.

While we're driving to the school, I'm looking at those magnificent tall glass buildings. And then, I see a row of vintage houses that just look so classy. And when we're past that, I see happy, colorful farms and animals. After that, I see small sad looking houses which do look awfully poor, but I find happiness in the people living in them.

We're there. The school has never looked scarier to me. I know I said I was looking forward to this day but now that we're here, I just wanna rewind to 6 years ago when I didn't have to find out how am I meant to spend the entire rest of my life! I step out of the car and barely have the strength to open and close the door. I looked at my dad with a frightened face, and he just says "Don't worry. It's gonna be all right." I nod, say bye and turn around. I'm facing the school. I've waited my entire life for this. So technically, I should be happy that it's finally here, because I've always been looking forward to it. Suddenly, I hear a familiar voice behind me. It's Maggie. She comes running towards me, and trips once for no apparent reason. Except for maybe that she's super nervous. I knew that from when she tripped, (she never does) and from when she pulled my hand to unfreeze me from my terrified position and her palms were extremely sweaty. "So? How are you? Excited? Nervous? Frightened?"

"A little bit of everything you just mentioned." I replied with my voice shaking and my hands starting to sweat just like hers. She giggled. I tried to laugh to but it sounded more hysterical than relaxed. We were just sitting there and chatting for some time when we saw a familiar face walk in. "Hi Michelle! How are you? Because you look… dreadful" I started talking all hysterical without even knowing it at the moment. "I _am _dreadful. And I only look dreadful because I stayed up super late last night so now my eye bags look bigger." Then I remembered I had extra eyeliner and makeup remover in case I start crying while waiting. "Here, borrow my eyeliner!" I said and put in her hand. "Thanks! BRB" she said. And while we were hoping to see more familiar faces, our wish came true. Well, not exactly the way we wanted it to happen. "Hey!" said Benny, someone who I sometimes be nice but at times he can also be a jerk. "Hey!" We both casually greeted him, hoping not to make this too long a conversation. Lucky for us, he obviously didn't have much to talk about, because he started with small talk. "So… which faction will you choose tomorrow?" he asked us and started playing with a rubber band of some kind. "Dunno" I shortly answered to avoid any further conversations or to avoid people seeing us talking too much. Some are just against people from different factions hanging out too much, but I don't care anymore. I am glad Maggie and I are in the same faction. Although tomorrow, we're gonna choose our factions. Then, we won't get the chance to hang out anymore, especially because in Dauntless, she might die. "And what were your test results?" he asked, still playing with the rubber band. I opened my eyes widely and curved my eyebrows "Even if we had taken the tests already, we wouldn't be allowed to tell you?! Don't you know that?". "Oh I know that. But, come on, I wouldn't tell!" and that's how he simply doesn't understand some things. I wouldn't break the rules. Never. "Well, see ya!" he said. He's rubber band fell on the floor, he picked it up, and his sleeve revealed a tattoo. "Is that real?" I asked. "I'm in Dauntless, of course it's real!" he said then left while humming a funky tune. Suddenly, they call a familiar name. Beverly Bennett. I remembered Beverly from yesterday in front of the school. And a girl with the exact same messy bun and, well, I don't know if I can call it a dress but ok, stands up and looks back. She spots me, so she waves. I wave back. And then she's off to wherever the heck they test us. Michelle came back in a while, looking much better, and then we waited, and waited, and waited… And suddenly they call: Maggie Canton and Emily Zackery. Emily is a friend of mine. I wish them both luck, and off they go. She's not back for quite a while. When she comes back, she's red, sweaty and looks shocked. She sits next to me and shakes her head. The only message I could get from that head shake was "I didn't get Dauntless, but I'm still going". After a while they finally call: "Monica Odette and Grace Oxton". I got up, looked at the still red like a tomato Maggie, turned around and followed Monica into the room. My knees we're wobbling, my head was spinning and my hands were sweating. My whole body was shaking as if it was set on vibrate. I was so unconfident and the moment I actually just followed Monica around. Then, she stepped into a room. I tried to follow her but quickly remembered I have to go to my own room. This was a new feeling for me. I used to follow people everywhere I went. I used to have people by my side everywhere. Now I'm gonna be all alone with a person that I was suppose to trust, nobody will be there to hold me by the hand or hug me for good luck. No, I have to do this on my own. So I went in.

* * *

The room that I was currently in was surrounding me by glass completely. For a few seconds I completely forgot somebody else was in the room. But soon a sassy yet calm voice woke me up from my daydreaming. Standing before me was a dark haired woman with dark skin and full lips covered in red lipstick. "Hello, and welcome to your aptitude test!" she said with a little bit of an accent. She was from Candor, I could see that from her clothes. "My name's Rebecca. I'm gonna be testin' ya'." Right next to her was a chair that looked like the one every dentist has. At the moment, to me, it seemed more like some sort of a torture device. "Guurl, you seem to be shakin' a lot!" she exclaimed with her accent. Was my shaking really that seeable? "Are ya' nervous?" she asked. "No… A little" I lied. My heart was on fire. I was really nervous. "Ok, now, you just sit on this chair here and relax. Don't be tense." She said firmly and slowly. I sat on the chair and she turned around, started taking some wires into her hands and then on me and then on her, and she was saying things like "Now where did that thing go?" and "…These stinkin' wires are always so tangled man!" I wasn't the kind of person to communicate with adults too much unless they asked me to, but for some reason, I felt like I could ask what is gonna happen with those wires once she attaches them all to me and her, you know, like a little kid communicating with a doctor. So I did ask her. "That you will yet find out!" she said and smiled at me. I wasn't sure if I should feel safe now or if I should be panicking. I decided to go with feeling safe. "Ok… Now, drink this!" she put a weird looking liquid into my hand, and I remembered when Martine was telling me about that. Now I felt safe. I drank the liquid and suddenly my eyes closed by themselves. After that, I opened them again, but instead of Rebecca in front of me I saw the school. "Hello? Rebecca?" I yelled and heard an echo after everything I said. I realized that it's snowing outside. But why? Nothing made sense to me. And then, I see cheese and a knife on a table. "Choose." A woman's voice appears behind me. It startled me a little, so I looked around but saw no one. "Why?" I asked. "You'll see…" the voice told me, so I just needed to choose. I chose the cheese. Suddenly, the knife disappeared. The cheese was cold and big. I was wondering should I do something, but an opening door answered my question. I was hoping for something good to come out of it, but not successfully. An angry, huge, roaring dog approached. Suddenly I wish I had chosen the knife. I moved the cheese up and down to see if the dog was following it. He wasn't. So I came a little closer, so close, a small part of the cheese was touching his nose tip. That way I was sure he had smelled it and wanted it. So I moved the cheese up and down again, then left and right, and this time, he followed. So I threw the cheese as far as I could, and he went for it. My plan was a success. And when I thought that the simulation was over and I was gonna wake up, a little girl appeared in a distance. She yelled "Doggy!" and went after the angry dog that was done with the cheese by then. He looked at her, started roaring and getting dangerously close to her. I wanted to save her, but I didn't wanna risk my own safety. And the second before the dog was about to throw himself on the screaming little girl, the scene changes. I was on the bus, and I saw a man with scarred hands reading the newspaper, which in front of his face so I can't see it. He asks me if I know a man on the newspaper who was obviously wanted. I looked at him. I feel like I've seen him somewhere, but I don't know who he is. I just said "mhm... hm… I…" I wasn't sure what to say. He asked me again "I asked you, _do you know this man?_!" He reveals his scarred face as he puts down the newspaper. "No. I don't, I'm sorry." I lied. He curved his eyebrows "You're lying to me!" he said angrily. "No, no, I'm not!" I said, slowly leaning away from him at the same speed that he was leaning closer to me. "You're lying! You know this man, and if you don't tell him to stop he will kill me!" he jumped at me and his scarred hands we're getting closer and closer to my neck. He was about to strangle me, so I screamed. But before he did, I woke up. The first thing I saw was Rebecca's face. She had a shocked expression on it, so I asked her, what are my results. She was murmuring something so quietly and quickly I couldn't understand it. "Excuse me just for a minute, I need to go talk to someone, I'll be right back" she said with such a weak voice, I completely didn't recognize her accent. I was scared. What was it she saw that shocked her so much? Did I do something wrong? Or am I going to die? Ok, I gotta calm down. It must be just her face when she sees results, and now she's gonna tell them to me normally, like to everybody else, right? Right?

* * *

I'm in an aptitude test room, completely alone. I'm waiting for Rebecca to come back with my results, of which I am really curious. Is it gonna be good? Is it gonna be something bad? What did Rebecca's expression mean? Looks like I'm about to find out, she's coming back. "What happened to my results?" I asked the second she came back, worried. "Gracie, I need to tell you something. It's bad." She said. I was so afraid. I put my feet down and was only sitting on the end of the chair. "You are an Amity…" she started talking, but I interrupted her "Why is that bad?" "No, I ain't finished yet." Her accent was slowly coming back. "Now, as I was saying, you're an Amity, but you're also Dauntless." I was curious. "What exactly does that mean?" My voice cracked in the middle of the sentence as I was expecting to find out something bad about myself. She took a deep breath "Guuurl, you're divergent!" and finished dramatically. I didn't get a thing. "I'm di-what?" Rebecca hardly said it again _"Divergent.". "_Oh cool!" I say. "No, you don't get it, it's far from cool. Being divergent can get you in a lot of danger. You must never tell _anyone_. Understand?" I didn't understand. How could I understand? "Erg… Not really…" I didn't tell her I understood, because if I would, she wouldn't tell me more. "Look, it means, you are more than one faction, and some people want to kill divergents. THAT'S why you can't tell anyone. THAT'S why you're in danger. Now, we're out of time, but just remember, some people are more dangerous than you think. Don't tell anyone, even if you think they'd never hurt you. Now bye!" she explained it all so quickly. "Yeah… ok… bye!" I said and slowly walked out of the room and back to the cafeteria. I just don't understand… _Divergent._

* * *

Martine's P.O.V.

It's the day of the Choosing Ceremony. While I wonder what Grace is doing, I think of my Choosing Ceremony. I know that I told my parents that I decided on Amity, while we were waiting for the ceremony to begin. They seemed surprised, but definitely not angry. I felt relieved because of that. During Marcus Eaton's speech, I was nervously tapping the floor with my left foot. I felt afraid suddenly. Deathly afraid that I'm making a mistake. Eaton started calling out names. A bunch of my classmates were choosing their factions and I swear I couldn't remember what a single one of them chose. There are moments in life when an opportunity is just passing by and you let it happen. And as you watch it leave, there's always a moment of hesitation in which you want to call for it in the last moment. You wonder would that be a smart thing to do, though. Maybe if you don't, you'll regret it forever. That is _exactly_ how I felt. My last chance to call out for the opportunity was approaching as we got to the letter O. And there it was- my name. I took a deep breath and awkwardly got up. I stood before five bowls and took a second to look at them. Marcus Eaton offered me the knife which I carefully took. All this time I was scared of the cutting part, but now I was more terrified of the choice. In front of me was Amity, on my left were Dauntless and Abnegation, while Erudite and Candor were on my left. I turned towards Amity and lifted my hand over the bowl in which was earth. I carried the knife to my palm and took another deep breath. I looked at the earth below my hand and that was the first time I admitted the truth to myself. I knew what I wanted to choose, yet I knew it was foolish. I, therefore, kept my hand where it was. I felt the knife cutting my palm and closed my eyes in pain. I knew blood will start dripping down onto the earth any moment. My opportunity was offering me its last seconds. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. My hand recklessly moved left in the very last moment.

I opened my eyes and felt a rush of adrenaline as the coals sizzled with a flame.


	3. Chapter 3

**So I realized it would be better to write who's p.o.v. is the story in, even though it's just two people telling the story. Tell me if you like it better with or without the p.o.v.s!**

* * *

GRACE's P.O.V.

Today is a big day; It's the choosing ceremony! Today I will decide on the rest of my life. _The rest of my entire life._ Today. I still don't know which faction to choose. I thought that the aptitude test yesterday was gonna make it much clearer for me, but it didn't. Well, maybe a little… anyways, I know for sure I'm not choosing Erudite or Abnegation. Though it really breaks my heart that I'm gonna have to leave my family today forever. But, everybody has to do it, well, except for the ones that choose the same faction they are already in. But that's not gonna be me. I'm not gonna be sticking my nose into a book anymore for the whole day, I won't be wearing nerdy clothes anymore, I won't have to learn something new everyday anymore. From today on, I'm gonna be building a whole new myself.

I'm in the car with my parents. I'm playing with the end of my dark blue skirt. I think I might throw up. I feel like chewing my hair, but I can't, I'm wearing a braid, plus, I stopped doing that when I was like, eight years old. "Feeling nervous?" my mom asks with a big smile on her face. "No, not really" I say, even though I think that might not be completely true. When I got bored of my skirt, I started taking it out on my blazer. It was the same color as my skirt, just that my blazer was more fun to play with because it was lace on the inside.

"See that tall building?" my dad asked me. I wanted to just nod, because I felt like if I was gonna talk, I'll end up swallowing my own puke, but he wouldn't see me, so I just simply let a quiet "yes" out of me.

"And se those people jumping off it?" he continued. This time I just made an "mhm" sound and nodded my head.

"That was me up there when I was a kid." He finally said. I couldn't believe my dad was jumping of that roof top to wherever it leads anyways. I can't believe anyone still is. It's madness, it's deathly dangerous, but yet, it's still something that a part of me is feeling an urge to do.

* * *

MARTINE'S P.O.V.

My regret for choosing Dauntless replaced the strong wish to be in it as soon as I put the knife down. But I comforted myself with the thought that I _am_ brave and that it can't be all that hard. At that time I had no Dauntless friends or acquaintances and I couldn't imagine what's initiation like. I sat down with the Dauntless bravely and waited for the rest to choose. I looked around at my new 'friends'. My heartbeat sped up at the sight of dyed hair strands, tattooed arms, pierced faces and black clothes. _I want to be that, _I thought. I wasn't sure about piercings, I didn't like the idea of having a pretty picture becoming an ugly blob when I get older- so no tattoos as well. But I was sure about the hair and the clothing. I nervously looked around the room to see my mom's and dad's expression. What did they think about my choice? I found them smiling at me. Their smiles were sad, but I still thought it was a really selfless thing to do. I knew they were aware of my feelings towards Dauntless, even though I never spoke of them. I remember my dad turned to my mum and said something after which they both laughed. Later, on my first Visiting Day I remembered to ask them what was it about. They said they were comparing me to my grandma, which was a shock. From her stories I sensed that she was quite a daredevil, but I never really knew she was Dauntless. It appears that not only she chose it, but also grew up in it, like dad. I don't know where mum is from, though. I never asked. Surely, she wasn't Dauntless, she wasn't Amity and I think I can count out Erudite, too. Either Abnegation or Candor, but judging by my grandma I'd bet on Candor. No wonder I got it on the test. And no wonder I chose Dauntless- I guess it was in my blood.

* * *

GRACE'S P.O.V.

This hall is so big! Makes me even more nervous and tense, and the colors are plain. Well, except when I look over to where the Amity sit. They are just so colorful! I think I'll join them today. Actually, I'm almost positive. I don't know where else would I feel good. Suddenly, when I look to the Dauntless, I see my sister. I wave to her, though she doesn't see me, I miss her so much every day, and now that I finally see her, in quite a while, I wanna talk to her once again so much. Later she turns her head and I wave to her again, this time she sees me. I sit next to Maggie and she puts my head on my shoulder like she usually does when we're either sad, or in shock, or just when she's tired. Finally, it starts. A man whose face I recognize from the newspaper shows up and starts talking, but I can't listen. I'm way too busy deciding which faction to choose. I feel like my heart just fell into my stomach. And it's stuck there. I start breathing heavily. My vision gets blurry. I feel like I'm gonna pass out, but I don't. I try to stay focused and listen to the man, but I can't. I just can't.

Finally I start focusing again when they start calling us. The first name that I actually know is Sam Ziebert. He cuts his hand and goes to Abnegation. From then I'm mainly waiting for my good or best friends to make their decision, and Michelle is called. She cuts her hand and, to my surprise, pours her blood to Candor. I did not expect that! I'm getting sweaty. What if when Marcus gives me the knife, I will be so sweaty, it will slip out of my hand and everybody will laugh at me?! I can't take this. But I need to. Then, I am called. I can barely move. Marcus gives me the knife, and I cut my hand. I'm trying to decide between Amity and Dauntless. I do have fears, but I am NOT a coward, I'm not the fastest, but I can learn, I can't live a life trying to achieve absolutely nothing, I like a challenge. And I challenge myself to live with the Dauntless.

I accept the challenge.


	4. Chapter 4

**Yay, chapter FOUR! I've been waiting for the moment when I can type that...**

** Okay, so just to be clear, this chapter starts with the second part of one of Martine's flashbacks so it's not happening in the present. Grace's part IS in the present though. It's always been and probably always will be. And Martine's second P.O.V. is also a flashback. There'll be a lot of flashbacks from her side in the begining (some of them may include Four as an initiate...) but later they'll stop. So yeah... Enjoy!**

* * *

MARTINE'S P.O.V.

_I guess it was in my blood- _But those were not the thoughts running through my mind after we had to get to the Dauntless compound. At first, we ran out of the building and that was the first time I felt free in my life. I dropped my navy blue blazer on the floor and let my hair down, using the hair band that held it in place as a bracelet. I wished to get rid of the shoes, because they were barely any good for walking. So, trying to run in them was hell. But running just in stocking would be worse, so I just had to deal with my polished black shoes. I stopped running when the others did, waiting for instructions. We didn't get them, so I watched closely instead. A train started approaching and I saw some older Dauntless start doing something that resembled hopping, as if they were about to jump. I tapped someone's shoulder with my fingers. A girl turned around, surprised.

"Hi, sorry to bother, but I thought you maybe knew what's going on. I would personally say that we're about to jump on the train, but that's crazy," I said.

"Well, I'm a Dauntless born so I know what's going on. And we _are_ jumping on the train," she explained.

I don't know what exactly did I say or did I say anything at all, but I remember the girl saying: "Welcome to Dauntless," and turning away to jump. I watched her and a few others graciously pulling themselves into the train as it passed by. That was the first moment of my life in Dauntless that I wanted to sit down and cry. To give up. Be factionless. And then I realized that I can't do that or I'll ruin my life forever. I have to do something that might kill me. But I still hesitated. I watched the others jump into the moving train, until I was the only one still waiting.

"You just gonna stand there, Erudite?" someone yelled out of the train.

I took a deep breath.

"No, no- I'll jump now!" I yelled back. I started to feel sweat on my palms and I knew it's now or never. I ran along with the train and hopped a bit to prepare myself for the jump. I jumped and grabbed the handle of the train door, pulling my feet up to a small platform. From that moment on, I was safe. Now I just had to actually get inside the train. When I got inside, all the eyes were on me for a second. I managed to slow my heartbeat down and even out my breathing. I realized it's not over yet. Someone pressed the OPEN button and the door slid aside to show just a bunch of buildings. I saw no train station and immediately regretted choosing Dauntless again.

"We have to jump onto a rooftop, don't we?" I asked out loud. A couple of people nodded. _Just jump_, I told myself. I took a step closer to the edge of the train and looked for the rooftop.

"That's the one," someone said and I decided not to stall this time.

As soon as I saw the rooftop before me I ran towards it and just jumped. It was the scariest experience ever- but also the best. As I successfully landed on the ground, I felt powerful. I could do anything now.

I heard people land to the rooftop and proudly turned around to watch them. I enjoyed the surprised looks I felt on me as everyone eventually jumped off the train.

"Who knew? The last one to get on the train was the first to get off of it?" a boy said.

"Oh, then I guess you'll be the first to jump off the roof too, huh?" a man said. He had dark skin and hair and I assumed he was around 30 or older.

"Alright initiates. You have passed the first two tests. The only thing separating you from the Dauntless compound is this," he said pointing to the end of the roof. We came closer to see a hole in the ground with no apparent end.

"Sorry, but who are you?" someone randomly cut off the silence.

I laughed a little along with the others.

"My name is Max and I'm one of the Dauntless leaders. So basically, I'm the guy that you'll want to avoid while goofing off around the Pit. That is, if you pass the initiation," he said.

"Initiation? If we pass the it?" someone asked.

"What's the Pit?" somebody else joined in.

Max smiled slowly. "Oh, you'll see it later. Now jump!" he said. "Who wants to go first, initiates?" he asked.

"I'll go!" I said wanting to keep my new reputation I got when I jumped off the train.

"Okay," Max shrugged and waited. I stood on the edge of the rooftop, but I couldn't do it. It was too deep, too long a jump. And who knows what's down there?

"Ok, maybe I'll go second," I said, jumping back.

"No, you said you'd go first. Now go!" Max said.

"It's okay, I'll go instead!" a girl said, stepping forward. I didn't say anything, but I was really thankful that she helped me out. Max stepped back and let her jump. She yelled out and I heard the yell for about a minute.

"First jumper, Sandra!" somebody exclaimed from the hole in the ground. _Okay, it's safe, I can go now_, I told myself.

"Who's next?" Max asked us.

"I'm ready to jump now," I said though he didn't seem as sure about it as me. I stood on the edge and looked down. That made me dizzy. I looked up instead.

"Alright" I whispered to myself. And I jumped. My mouth opened to let out a scream, but I just didn't feel the need to make any noise. I just flew with a happy look in my eyes and my mouth still open. Finally, I landed. It was a net and it made me bounce up slightly. I looked to the right where a woman around 35 was standing, tilting the net towards her so I could jump out.

"Thank you," I said. As I stepped on the ground again, I felt instable like I was still falling, adrenaline still rushing through me.

The woman that helped me get out of the net told the next person to jump. I went to look for Sandra and thank her. I saw a read-headed girl with brown eyes in Candor clothes sitting on the floor, watching the others fall into the net. I sat down next to her.

"Hi… Sandra, right?"

She nodded.

"I'm Martine. I wanted to say thanks before. You were very nice to volunteer for the first jumper. I really couldn't do it without seeing somebody else survive the jump before!" I said.

"No problem. I actually wanted to go first even before you said it."

"Cool then. You're Candor?" I asked.

"Yup! What about you? Erudite?"

"Yeah, I'm… I _was_ Erudite. I'm Dauntless now."

She nodded. "So… was it hard for you to choose?" she asked. "For me it was. I almost chose Abnegation," she added.

"ABNEGATION?!"

"I know, right? I didn't really like the idea, but every single one of my friends chose it, so…"

"I see. Well, for me it was pretty hard, too. In a way. I was Erudite born, but I got Candor-"

She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Yeah, your faction. But I also liked Amity. It's because they always seem so happy! I know rarely anyone gets it, but I liked Amity. But in a way I always knew I'd choose Dauntless. I just always thought they're super awesome and I told myself: 'Hey, if you wanna be Dauntless, be Dauntless!'" I finished.

"Cool!" she laughed and watched the rest while they jumped.

GRACE'S P.O.V.

I was so mad at myself! Why in the world did I choose Dauntless?! There's no way I'll survive! No Way! But, on the other hand, maybe I did it for a reason! Maybe, now I'm becoming somebody else. Plus, I miss my sister. I wanna talk to her, I want to see her once again. My blood is on the coals now. It's there. I don't care if others think I'm not gonna make it,

I am gonna make it.

I saw my best friend cut into her hand, and first, nothing comes out. She needs to try again. She's afraid, I know it. It's ok, I was too. But it really doesn't hurt that much. She had to try several times before the blood really came out, and when it did, it quickly fell from her hand to the scorching coals of Dauntless.

At the end, a knife is suddenly ripping my chest apart. I'm leaving my family forever. I know it's a goodbye to them, but it's also a hello to my new life.

MARTINE'S P.O.V.

I knew I'd get along with Sandra from the beginning. We weren't really social, so we kind of just always hung out with each other. Especially when we went through tough phases of initiation. One of those times was the day we actually found out about the INITIATION.

"This is the cruel truth- who doesn't rank higher than ten in the final round has to leave!"

That sentence stuck with me for a long time. It's what our instructor Joanne told us the day we got to the Dauntless compound.

"I won't be able to make it!" I confessed to Sandra that evening. "I'm not athletic OR daring. Why did I choose this?"

"Well, at least you'll rank higher than me! I've always sucked at sports!" she said. In the worst scenario I saw us both hanging out with the factionless, living a miserable life. In the best scenario we both ranked either second or third and got a job as Dauntless leaders, which we both wanted. But the real scenario was neither.

The first stage was probably the hardest for me. It was physical. We'd be paired up with a somewhat equal opponent and we had to fight until one either surrendered or passed out. In one extreme case, away even. We had to master self defense and become fighters. I was no fighter. But I had strong will and didn't surrender, which turned out to be more useful once I improved my fighting skills. My first fight was with a skinny boy who transferred from Abnegation. I didn't know we'd have to fight opposite genders but it made sense- we had to be prepared for anything and everything.

I was scared as he approached. He may have been skinny and selfless but he was a guy and that was enough for me to feel threatened. He started punching and I wasn't fast enough to defend myself, so I couldn't even punch back, I had no chances of winning now. I told him to stop. The instructor, Joanne came to talk to me.

"What was that?" she said half angrily, half sympathetically.

"I'm sorry," I said, holding back tears.

"Don't apologize, it affects YOUR rank. You've got to try harder- you realize that, right?"

"Yes, but this is my first fight, plus I'm from Erudite so I've never done any sports or anything…" my voice was breaking off.

"I understand, I was once a transfer, too. And it was hard for me but if you're going to be Dauntless you'll have to learn how to fight!"

I nodded and sat down in a corner. Sandra was a much better fighter, as I observed. I admired some of the initiates who fought each other until one passed out. They had such courage. Therefore, I had to improve to the point where I'd have such courage. I spent most of my free time in the training room from that day on. Sandra would keep me company, but the training was more like a game to her. I didn't worry about it then, she was a natural talent for fighting after all. Later she started lacking in strength. She complained, but I kept working hard. I still keep my habit of running and doing sit-ups every day, like I started doing at that time. It took me some time, but when I won my first fight I developed a good strategy and ended up being a pretty great fighter.


	5. Chapter 5

GRACE'S P.O.V.

They must be kidding. The stairs?! We're taking the stairs? How will I go down _those_ stairs in _these_ shoes?! I need to man up! These cost a lot, and I mean a LOT, but I'll get new ones soon… Besides, it's this or being factionless. Maggie was apparently amused by jumping on the stairs "This is so fun!" she said and continued jumping.

After a while of walking, we saw a train. We were suppose to jump on it. I'm dead. I will not be able to do this. I still don't wanna be factionles though… I gotta try. The train is getting closer. 3, 2, 1, jump! And I did. I made the jump! I can't believe it! I actually did it! When I jump Maggie jumps too, and she falls on me a little but she's not heavy so it doesn't bother me. My braid is messy. I never had a hairstyle this messy before unless I was asleep, and even then it was usually in a bun so it doesn't get too messy. My hair is also really long and really thick, so it usually takes a lot of time to brush, and that's also one of the reasons it was in a bun. I think I'm suppose to wear something more simple and practical here in Dauntless.

"Sorry!" Maggie quickly apologized after she fell on me.

"Oh it's ok. Didn't even hurt." I smiled and sat down. Me and Maggie started talking when I saw someone I wouldn't expect to see on the train to Dauntless. It was Beverly. She was crying, but not too loud. I stood up and without any greeting, just asked her what's wrong.

"Why did I choose this?" she cried. "I'll never survive in Dauntless. I'm so stupid, I only did this to see my brother, just because I'm so stupid! I'll never survive!" I didn't know what to say.

"Well, you got on the train, that's a start!" I tried to comfort her but without any success.

"Thanks" she said, "But I really don't think I can do it."

I couldn't do much to convince her she was wrong, mostly because I felt like she wasn't and because I don't think I can do it either. When I came back to Maggie she asked me "Who was that?"

"Oh, Beverly, I met her in school the other day the other day. She was in Abnegation before." I answered, not making eye contact. I was way too busy picking my nails, having a feeling she in a way disapproves of me being in Dauntless. I sometimes get a feeling she finds me weak, physically and mentally. She actually once told me I didn't really have strength. Physically. Back then I really was, but now in Dauntless I need to get stronger. Ah, well.

"Oh… stiff…" she said with disapproval in her voice. She sounded angry but calm at the same time. Let me tell you one thing about her. Her mood can change very fast. One minute she's super happy, loud, singing, dancing, and the second minute she's deep in her thoughts, looking very serious. But even when she's serious I love hanging out with her. She's awesome. I hope she doesn't really think I'm weak. Some people do. But I doubt she's one of them.

"Wow, look at those tall glass buildings!" she said pointing her finger on a Dauntless building approaching us.

"I think we are suppose to jump now!" I shout over the loud train noises, wind dismantling my braid into several different directions. I was frightened to jump on it. I wanted to stay on the train, safe and sound, but then I would be factionless. "Ok Maggie, we jump now" I dramatically said. Then, I started counting in reverse " 3... 2… 1… JUMP!" I screamed. We jumped high and far, I never knew I could do that. I almost fell of, and when my left heel was on half on the edge of the roof top and half over it, somebody grabbed my arm and pulled me back. It was a guy. I didn't know him, so I just said "Thanks." I knew I was suppose to play like it was no biggie that I almost fell of a roof and killed myself, because that wouldn't be Dauntless appropriate, and I did, but inside me I was looking at that guy like at a god. He saved my life! You only get one of those.

"Listen up! My name is Max. I am one of the leaders of your new faction." I heard a voice behind me and turned to a tall, dark haired man. "Now, you're probably wondering why are you standing on a roof top that doesn't seem to have an escape. Well, it does." He starts walking toward one of the edges. "See this?" he points his finger to a hole that seems to have no ending. "You will jump in here." He casually announces like every one of us had to jump of a roof top to a hole that's leading to who knows what.

"What do you think is at the bottom?" Maggie asks, her eyes focused on the other frightened initiates, some more than others.

"Who wants to go first?" he asks. Everybody is quiet. I step back, waiting for somebody to step forward and jump. I never go first. I never want to be the one to try out things first, except if I'm in a group of people I know better. But in big crowds of people I don't know I always let everybody else go first. Especially when it's something scary.

"Me" an Abnegation girl finally says. The "stiff", as they say. She jumps several stories under us, and we all wonder what happened. We wait a while.

"Is she dead?" someone asks. Some of the initiates laugh. Not me, though. My heart just jumps at the thought of me dying in that thing. Can they see tears fight their way in my eyes and me trying to keep them stay where they are suppose to be? I quickly turn my face to the ground, sobbing, trying to be as quiet and as unnoticeable as I can like I always do when I'm trying to hide tears. When nobody's looking I wipe my tears with my hand, trying to remember a funny moment from my life that will make me smile instead of cry. I succeed and fail at the same time; I remember me and my whole family playing a game and laughing until our stomachs hurt. The thought of leaving them today makes me feel pain, and tears on my cheeks again. I wipe them off one more time, this time deciding not to think too much.

"First jumper: Tris!" I hear a shout from under us. She made it. It makes me feel better; I can fight my tears now. After a few other initiates jump, including Maggie, I decide to go to. I stand on the edge of the roof top. I take a deep breath and jump, the wind forcing my hair on to my face. I feel like I should be screaming, just because most of the other initiates did, but I don't. I just wait to land on something. I fall in a net. I roll over and giggle. This was easier than I thought it would be! Somebody pulls me from the net. I almost fall trying to catch gravity. I lift up my head, and before me I see a tall guy and a woman. They don't look much older than me, they look about the same age as Martine, wherever the hell she is.

"Welcome to Dauntless." The guy says. "What's your name?" he asks, sending me a cold glance.

"Ugh, Grace" I say, sounding insecure. I sit next to Maggie who is breathing heavily. She jumped before me, and I could tell she was scared when she jumped, especially because I heard her scream very loudly. When I take a better look around me, I see everything is very dark, and all the walls are a very dark gray, almost black. Then, I hear a scream. The voice of the girl sounds familiar, and when she lands in the net, I can see why; It was Beverly. Her freckled cheeks turned a bright red when she clumsily rolled over the net. I could tell she already feels better now that she actually got here. At first I didn't even know if she made it, because I was too busy being shocked I, Grace Oxton, jumped off and on a moving train. I still hardly believe it.

Finally, all the initiates have jumped and are now down here, either breathing heavily and chatting or sobbing because the fall hurt.

* * *

MARTINE'S P.O.V.

The second stage was all about conquering our fear. Sandra had huge problems here- she had no mental strength. I offered her help, but she kept rejecting it so I stepped aside. I myself wasn't some prodigy either, but I had some previous experience in pushing fears aside, so I was okay.

My fear landscape contained nine fears which I dealt with in different ways – I ignored them, I used logic and I sometimes just faced them.

Apparently, I did really well in stage three. When I saw the final ranks, I couldn't believe my eyes. Despite the first stage which I struggled with, I found my name in the 3rd place. My eyes searched for Sandra's name.

She was last.

I turned to her. "Sandra…"

She looked down. "I'm factionless," she said.

I sighed. "Do you want me to help you pack?"

"No, it's fine- I only have a few pieces of clothing. And that's all from what I got here in the Dauntless. I don't need that anymore,"

"I'll keep you company then," I suggested, trying to smile. She didn't object so we headed to our room right away. I watched her fold her clothes and put them in my purse. I let her have it, since she never really bought one. It's sad thinking of things she planned to do after initiation. Despite her first thought when we got here, she believed she would make it.

"Sandra, Mike, Lynette?" Ben appeared at the door. He was the instructed the Dauntless-borns and often joined Joanne in instructing us. He was a merciless but good instructor.

"It's time to go," he announced.

"I guess you and I can't be friends anymore," Sandra said. Her voice sounded dark, filled with pain.

"Yeah…" I replied. "I'll miss you,"

We hugged.

"Bye," she said then, when she was about to leave the room.

"Bye,"

That's how I lost my only real friend from Dauntless.

I spent that night laying in my bed, listening to cheerful crowds pass by the room. Every now and then someone would walk in to get their wallet or something like that. They'd still be laughing at something their friends joked about. Then they'd notice me and, still laughing, congratulate me for ranking 3rd. I'd nod and they'd leave.

I hated myself for getting so attached to only one person. I could've been like those initiates laughing in the halls if I made more friends. Instead I was only half-living for the rest of the week.

_When a tragedy strikes, don't allow yourself to drown in sadness. Get up, turn pain into strength- what doesn't kill you makes you stronger._

That's what Dauntless taught me. That's what I should do.

_Be more Dauntless_, I told myself.

I got up and marched out of the room, straight to Max's office.

He opened the door, raising his eyebrow.

"Hello, I have a question," I said.

He shook his head and let me in.

"I was wondering… Do you need another instructor?" I asked.

"As a matter of fact- we do. Ben is no good for us anymore- in fact he's already decided to end his Dauntless life-"

"Whoa, whoa- Ben ended his Dauntless life? What does that mean?"

"Well, we have to do a lot of very physical stuff here and at a certain age we're not really fit to do those things anymore. For some people it's around 45, for some 55- that's most people. The limit is 60. At that age, every Dauntless must leave- one way or another. You choose death or the factionless,"

How horrible this faction is!

"Don't you worry, you have plenty of time before your choice," he said, seeing my expression.

I remembered Ben waiting for Sandra, Mike and Lynette when they had to go to their new home. "Wait, did Ben-"

"Join the factionless? Yes. Can't believe it, can you?"

Yes, it was unexpected. I thought he'd rather die. But I had to get back to the reason I got here. "So, you need an instructor?"

"Interested in the position?"

I nodded.

"Well, you have good chances getting it- you're the first one to apply. Also, your rank wasn't too bad. If rank 1 and 2 don't apply the job is yours. If they do… probably not. But you could apply next year. Joanne, Anthony, Dan and Sonia will have to quit instructing then."

"What about the Dauntless leader position? Could I possibly be that?"

"Possibly. We'll be looking for a new leader next year since Anthony will be dropping out. And anyone could be the new leader. If you get the instructor job and do very well there your chances of getting promoted can improve.

I'll sign you up for the instructor job and next month you'll know if you got it,"

"Is that all?"

He nodded.

"Okay. I'll go then. Night!" I said, leaving.

"Good night,"

I told myself, if I got this job I'd work so hard I'd become a leader for sure.

I couldn't get to teach the Dauntless-borns, Joanne took over that. But I did get to train the initiates. I got the job.

* * *

**I just wanted to say that I recently started writing another Divergent fanfiction featuring the two OCs from this story. It's a Candor or Dauntless fanfic (yeah, I know, we have a lot of those!) and there are more actual Divergent characters than in this fanfiction so check it out if want. Also, I don't think it spoils Cognition a lot since it's a 'no-war, no-deaths and so on' story. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry I didn't post anything for a while... Writing fanfictions is hard when you have to constantly publish new chapters online! When I finish this and my other two stories, I'll start writing one-shots, probably. OK, so this chapter is the last flashback chapter and you just may meet 16 years old Tobias and Eric... :)**

* * *

MARTINE'S P.O.V.

After they told me about the job, I was sent to training. Yes, even instructors need instructions.

I learned how to operate the simulation machine, what's important to teach the initiates when it comes to fighting and I even learned a little about how the simulations actually work.

After the training I could proudly look at my reflection in the mirror. I looked more like a Dauntless. Not completely though. Then I remembered I always wanted to dye my hair. So I that right away. I dyed it a dark, bloody red. It looked pretty Dauntless.

_But there's still something missing, _I thought.

I realized I was missing something truly Dauntless. Like a tattoo or a piercing. But I swore I'd never get either of those.

In the end, I decided to take a stroll around the Pit. I stopped at the tattoo parlor.

_No, don't, _my mind commanded. _But maybe…_

"Sorry, can I help you?" a woman said.

"Oh, I was just passing by," I smiled, shaking my head.

"'You sure you weren't checking out tattoos? You don't seem to have one!"

"I'm not really a tattoo kinda person."

"No? Then you must be the only one. Any special reason for that?"

I could sense a bit of mockery in her voice. Of course, it seemed impossible to her that I don't want a tattoo.

"Several reasons. I mean, I'd like a tattoo, but-"

She laughed. "Why don't you come in and we can discuss your tattoo problem?"

Her behavior was really helpful at that moment, so I actually followed her into the room. She sat behind her desk and told me to sit in the chair next to it. "So, what are your reasons?"

I explained how tattoos are actually quite an unfamiliar subject to me since in only learned about them from books (I bet that gave her a hint about my previous faction!) and since I mostly read old books, I could be wrong when I think that tattoos are extremely painful and eternal.

"Well, the eternal thing is true. But it's not like you're gonna live a long life in Dauntless so why does that matter? But, really, it doesn't hurt. Maybe just a tiny bit."

"I've heard it hurts a lot."

"Listen, those books of your are over fifty years old. You can't trust them, a lot of things have changed a lot in that time. And, look- does he look like he's in pain?" she pointed to a customer.

I shook my head and laughed.

"So, did you change your mind?"

"Well, I guess I could get a tattoo… or two… or three."

"Whoa, slow down!"

"Why? If I'm getting a tattoo, I might as well get more of them!"

"Okay. That's the Dauntless spirit, I guess!"

She handed me a book with different tattoo designs. I searched through it, trying to find the perfect one. I decided on a thing flame with an eye in it. It reminded me of the Dauntless symbol as well as the Erudite one.

The other one I chose was a snake, slithering in a shape of a Greek letter Xi.

And finally, I chose a star with thick stripes coming from each side of it. The stripes sort of looked like wings. It maybe wasn't very Dauntless but it reminded me of a jacked I bought the first week of initiation. From that moment it was my favorite item of clothing, you may even say it was something like a lucky charm. Anyway, the jacket was different from every other that I've seen in the store because it had a star on its back. That's why the tattoo design reminded me of it.

"That's it," I said, closing the book.

"Ok, sit in that chair over there," she said. "I'm Tori, by the way."

"I'm Martine."

"I heard a Martine will join the instructors next year," Tori commented as she was preparing the tattoo equipment.

"That's me."

She nodded. "Nice job you've got. I've been working here for almost twenty years," she said bitterly.

"Bad rank or unlucky coincidence?"

"Bad rank. I started off good, but I… I lost focus and motivation."

Her mood seemed to quickly shift from good to very bad. So I didn't say anything until she finished the tattoos. The first one was on my right wrist, the second on my left arm and the third on my chest and collarbone. The tattoos were and awesome addition to my new look and I decided not to stop there so I also pierced my right eyebrow. Two small metal piercings above it and two under. Later on I got more tattoos- a snake wrapping around a skull that was on my left wrist, a six-fingered hand on my practically entire back and finally I got a tattoo with a coded message on my neck. It said DESTROY THE FACTIONS. It was pretty risky to wear that statement on my own skin, but I wasn't afraid since no one would be able to read it anyway.

Tori was very amused with the last one and asked what does it say, but of course I didn't tell her.

"So, tomorrow's your first day of work…" she commented.

"Yes."

I guess I was a bit nervous.

"Good luck."

"Thanks, I'll probably need it."

She laughed. I paid for the tattoos, we said goodbye and I left.

_Tomorrow's my first day of work. I better not mess it up._

* * *

On my first day of work, I was late. Of course. Max knocked on my door telling me the initiates will be here soon and I had to get ready in a huge hurry. I met the other instructors- Joanne and Sonia by the net. Anthony, on of the Dauntless leaders was also there, glaring at me angrily. "Where have you been?"

"Um... I just… My alarm clock didn't work. It won't happen again," I promised.

"It's OK, nobody jumped yet," Joanne smiled.

I felt awkward among all those '35-or-more-year-olds'.

"Wait, do you hear that?" I asked, hearing a screaming sound.

"That's the sound of a first jumper," Sonia told me.

The first jumper was a girl named Maya who later on failed initiation, despite her bravery she showed with volunteering to jump first. I learned a lot about the initiates just by watching them fall into the net. Some could barely speak after the fall, some laughed, some didn't show any particular emotion.

Anthony had a speech then. He told them about initiation and instructed the Dauntless-borns to follow Sonia and transfers to follow me… and Joanne. Of course they couldn't leave me in charge alone, since I ranked only 3rd which apparently made me unreliable. I observed Anthony as he spoke and wondered will I ever be such a good instructor. He got everyone's attention in no time- just by appearing. I could only watch, learn and hope I have some natural talent for being an instructor. Which I don't.

The next day Joanne brought the initiates into the training room and left. It was my turn now. I scanned the crowd. One Amity and one Abnegation, both boys- that was shocking. We only had one Abnegation in our initiation class.

The Amity boy was freckled, blonde and green eyed. He stood there with such determination, it was already funny. You could see his enthusiasm behind the Dauntless mask he put on.

The Abnegation boy was a mystery to pretty much everyone from the first day we've seen him. He waited calmly, yet somehow wistfully. He was tall with tired dark blue eyes. I wondered for some time if he actually wanted to choose Dauntless. He seemed both scared and strong. But I decided to set my expectations pretty high for him.

"Welcome to your first fighting lesson, initiates. At this stage you will train to become warriors. In Dauntless, we value bravery that drives you to stand up for what you believe in, to protect the people you love, to take risks. That kind of bravery is what will matter in the end.

But remember that just as you have to be mentally and emotionally strong, you will also need physical strength in many situations. That's what the first stage is all about.

Now, I want everyone to stand in front of a punching bag. Practice fighting on it. I'll observe you and tell you how to improve," I said as firmly as I could. The initiates walked over to the punching bags and started hitting them- clumsily, in most cases. There were a few that were very good, but those must've been the bullies who were used to fighting.

The worst fighter was the Amity. He jumped around the bag, punching it with sudden, careful movements. But Lauren, who was actually the second jumper, was pretty close to his level of skill.

"Ok, Lauren- Lauren. Stop," I said.

She stopped hysterically punching the bag.

"Put more thought in your punches, OK? What you're doing is just useless wasting your power and energy. Try to punch less times but harder."

She punched pretty hard. "Ow!"

"Now try doing that in different ways and see when it hurts the least," I said, walking away. I tried to do something about the Amity kid. He was impossible, so I eventually gave up and walked over to the Stiff. He wasn't trying too hard, but his punches were naturally good, so he didn't even have to.

"Quite impressive for a Stiff," I commented.

"How do you know?" he asked, still focused on the punching bag. The things is, they changed into Dauntless clothes today. But I could mostly guess who was from which faction just by their behavior. Candors were loud, Erudites suspicious, Amity excited and Abnegation were expressionless. Ugh, I never liked Abngeation and I never will.

"Simple. The way you listen, look around the room and even walk- those things give you all away. Your minds are still in your previous factions," I explained, shrugging.

"You're good at observing. You were Erudite."

I was stunned by HIS good observing. And I felt a little threatened.

"I suggest you don't talk to older Dauntless members about their previous factions. It's not a thing we do here," I said quietly, stepping closer to him. "Understood?"

His eyes met mine. His look was rebellious. I didn't like that. "Yes," he replied firmly.

"Good."

I glanced at the others. They've improved a little. Lauren and Amity boy were the worst, but there were still a few that weren't doing things right. One was, for example, way too aggressive. I didn't notice him at first. It think he started really well, actually. But then he started punching the poor bag so angrily I thought it will punch back at a certain point.

"Hey! Hey, slow down! What's going on, did the bag kill your family?" I joked.

He punched the bag one more time and turned around to look at me. "What? Is hitting my opponent too hard not accepted here? If I was, for example, attacked by a crazy murderer, should I be gentle with him? Is that what you're trying to say? Because knocking an attacker out unconscious would be wrong, right?" he mocked.

"Watch your attitude," I wanted to call him by his previous faction's name, but I realized I don't know what it is. Not Amity or Abnegation, that's for sure… So Erudtie or Candor? His hair was a bit long for Erudite, so he must've been Candor.

"Why should I?" he stared at me. And I realized I was wrong, then. I remembered that stare from my life in Erudite, mostly everyone had it. That's why I always felt so intimidated around my ex-faction members. The boy was definitely from Erudite.

I crossed my arms and straightened up.

_You have to demand respect_, I told myself. "I am your instructor. And I am now instructing you to be nice and listen to me," I raised my voice.

"Ok, I'll let you enjoy being the boss now. You won't get to be that when I become the Dauntless leader," he was so self-assured, I just wanted to throw him out of the window.

"You are aware that I have the ability to lower your rank right now?" I threatened him.

"Whatever."

I smile and walked away victoriously. But it wasn't over. The Erudite boy did not surrender after one fight. It seemed like he and the Stiff didn't really see me as their instructor. In fact, they didn't even treat me like a Dauntless. They just didn't like me at all. But they didn't like each other either. I saw that when they fought. Neither of them wanted to surrender and class was eventually dismissed. That disliking turned into hate after stage two. Eric- the Erudite boy- was jealous of Tobias- the Stiff. To be honest, I was too. After watching his fears in the simulations I realized four fears kept repeating themselves. Only four fears, never more than that. That was officially confirmed at stage three when I saw his fear landscape. After the final test, I said: "Congratulations, 'Four'!"

That's when everyone started calling him that. It became more than his nickname. It became his name. My eyes shifted to Eric, after Four's test. He was pale with anger. I noticed he stayed in the room when the others left.

"What? Should I lock you in here?" I stopped, letting the other initiates leave by themselves.

"Four? FOUR fears?! How is that even possible?!" he said, more to himself than to me.

"Hey, we all wish for less fears. But what can you do?" I replied calmly and sat down on one of the chairs placed against the wall. He sat down, too.

"But that's not fair, right? He's gonna rank higher just because he has this stupid ability or whatever it is."

I realized this was our first normal conversation.

"I know! Even I'm kinda jealous of him and I'm done with my initiation," I admitted.

He sighed. "Why is he so much braver than me? Why do I have to have eight fears? That makes me a coward. Right?" he asked carefully. For the first time I saw him in a different light. He was just trying to prove that he's Dauntless enough… probably to become a leader.

"You know, Eric…" I started. "I don't think you're looking at this the right way. Actually, I believe bravery isn't having no fears- that's stupidity, if anything. Bravery is having fears and conquering them even though you're afraid," I don't know who came up with that, but I remember hearing it from my dad.

"You believe that?"

I nodded. "Keep that in mind. It might help," I shrugged.

"You think I did well today? Could I get a good rank?" he asked. He was actually pretty insecure.

"Oh, definitely. I'm not sure if you'll rank first… You know, stupid Tobias," I laughed.

He smiled weakly. "Stupid 'Four'."

"But you don't have to rank higher than him to be offered a good job later, you know," I said.

He nodded.

"You wanna be a Dauntless leader, right?"  
"Obviously!"

Of course he did. He was that type of a person. But only one could get the job. And that had to be me. "Well, Anthony's dropping out this year, so…"

"I'm gonna try to get the job."

"With 'Four' being, well 'Four', you… or I… don't stand a chance. They're going to offer him the position."

"Why does he have to have four fears? I don't wanna be some lame instructor!"

"Excuse me, but one of those 'lame instructors' is sitting right next to you!" I pretended to be deeply offended and gasped.

He laughed a little.

"So, you wanna hang out in here and skip dinner or should we go?" I got up and walked over to the door.

He got up, too and we walked out of the simulation room. I locked the door. Eric looked like he was going to say something, so I raised my eyebrow questionably.

"Um, thanks for… um, the advice and stuff," he said awkwardly.

I nodded. "Don't mention it. It's a part of my job to support my students- I guess I could call you that- when they need it," I said with a smile.

We walked down the stairs in silence. Then Eric spoke up. "You know, I'm usually probably giving you the impression that I hate you or something, but I actually think you're a really good instructor. And I also think you'd be a good leader," he said, making no eye contact.

Nobody has ever told me that I'm good at my job, nobody's ever even implied that I'm Dauntless enough to be a leader. "Thanks," I said, not showing that I actually care. But I did and it gave me hope that I might actually get my dream job.

Funny, because it wasn't me who got the job, but the one who made me believe I could.


End file.
